where the heart is

the tears came unexpectedly as I stood at the sink last thursday night doing dishes. I was reflecting on the thoughts that had filled my head and simmered daily as I stood there, washing in the hot soapy water. the next day we’d give the house to someone else. and a not-so-little piece of my heart would go with it.

Grace Cottage. Six years ago, God gave us this place. After months on the market, our house hadn’t sold. We’d decided to stay put and make it work. Jack was three, Molly was one, and Ginny was on the way.

Then one day, a friend of a friend came along and bought it. The very next day, we found grace cottage. God made a way. He said go.

We poured blood, sweat and tears into this place, literally. {Scott- blood and sweat; Me- tears}. Weeks of long days and late nights handcrafted these cozy walls, nooks and memories. there have been memories too many to count, but the hand of God has shaped them all.

Two cribs in the girls room with lime  painted panel walls lined up and taped by Shawna. Big blue stripes for my big boy. A long-awaited ‘grown up bedroom’ with peaceful walls and beautiful bed linens. Sparkly gem appliances and big kitchen drawers. Big family room filled with people we love, sharing life.

Red dining room turned believable buff schoolroom, I will miss you. You have greeted me every morning with the light of my mother’s day lamp for my Bible and coffee time. I cherish your quietness and the richness of all you represent.

Grace Cottage brought change in unexpected ways. New jobs. Public school. Seminary. Home school. New church. Joys and sorrows, all bundled through each step. God faithfully leading and directing along the way.

My heart is here, wrapped up in the sweetness of this place. Truly a haven of rest from the world, battleground for sanctification, His hand of goodness hidden on every shelf.

Once again, God has said go. He has made a way. After months on the market and not selling, a friend of a friend has come along and bought it.

While I know I cannot grasp this place too tightly, I will tuck these precious memories into the corners of my mind and heart. There will be another quiet place to sit and sip and read. More memories. More joy and sorrow. More sanctification. 

It may not be another cottage, but it will be filled with Grace. 

He Giveth More Grace

 
He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added affliction He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limit, His grace has no measure.
His pow’r has no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again!

~Annie Johnson Flint

state of the union: marriage

Blue Ridge Parkway, Spring Break 2012

We just celebrated our 12th anniversary in May. When I posted about our 11th anniversary, I said we were stronger than ever and it was true. But as I look back on another year I am thankful for the ways God has continued to knit us together.

Two years ago, the Lord was softening my heart and preparing me to be a seminary wife. (Now He’s working on the ‘preparing me to be a pastor’s wife’ situation.)  Little did I know that two months after he started classes we’d be homeschooling, too. And then we’d be thinking about joining a church plant. And then we’d be putting our house on the market.

All aboard the Crazy Train!!

I know it all really does sound crazy but I’ll tell you why it hasn’t felt that way one. single. bit. … we’re on the same page.

What do I mean by that? Well for the early part of our married life, we enjoyed the ease and pleasure of not really having much to differ in opinion about. I mean, not much beyond “I’d rather have a Rush’s Cheeseburger for dinner” vs. “But I really was hoping we could pick up Mellow Mushroom instead.”

Then as the Lord gave us more time together, He began to peel back the thick layers around our hearts, revealing stubborn wills (mostly mine) and more reasons for us to want to dig in and get our way.

But- the more years we are married, the peeling back still continues but it also gives us the opportunity to grow, be transformed and to be willing to yield to one another in places that we differ. There has been such a joy in desiring to be on the same page as we tackle the challenges of life. There is peace knowing that the undercurrent of our marriage is one of harmony instead of discord.

Certainly there are times when we differ and struggle to see eye to eye. We are grown up toddlers who must choose daily to submit ourselves to God’s authority in our lives. We pray for the Lord to melt our strong wills into His. And every day, though we fail frequently, we are met with the grace of God poured into our brokenness. We are given the gift of His unconditional love toward us, which compels to choose compassion with one another.

We promised to love, honor and cherish til death do us part and I am so thankful to be married to a man who chooses daily to love me selflessly, to bear up under my many weaknesses, to encourage me in the Gospel and to partner with me in the joys and struggles of life.  He also smells really good and is incredibly handsome.

I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather sit next to on the Crazy Train!

my life for his

“We have a God who knows what it is to sacrifice … {Christ} was rejected, humbled and emptied. He gave up his life in order to give it to you….

“When you let go of those things you have let define you all your life, you will not be left with nothing. The story of redemption and healing is that Jesus came to exchange my not-good-enough with his better-than-I-could-ever-imagine. He came to trade my life for his, my weak for his strong, my ashes for his beauty. He longs for us to receive the gift of himself.”

~emily p. freeman, from grace for the good girl: letting go of the try-hard life

cup for cup

There are two cups.

On the night before Jesus died, he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane.  “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” He refers here to the cup of God’s wrath.

Our sin is uglier and more serious than we can ever imagine. None of us can escape its reach. It turns us away from God, leading to death and separation from Him. Our sin demands payment in the form of His wrath.

Jesus took the cup of God’s wrath and drank it for us, down to the last drop. Not one drop remains. He willingly gave His life for mine.

That same night, he took another cup, and he gave it to His disciples. In communion we have a sweet reminder of that night.

Jesus traded cups with me. He drank the cup of wrath and gives to me the cup of blessing. For me to drink, down to the last drop. A cup full of His perfect love and forgiveness.

There were two cups, and He traded mine for His.

I Will Glory in My Redeemer
I will glory in my Redeemer
Whose priceless blood has ransomed me
Mine was the sin that drove the bitter nails
And hung Him on that judgment tree
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who crushed the power of sin and death
My only Savior before the Holy Judge
The Lamb Who is my righteousness
The Lamb Who is my righteousness

I will glory in my Redeemer
My life He bought, my love He owns
I have no longings for another
I’m satisfied in Him alone
I will glory in my Redeemer
His faithfulness my standing place
Though foes are mighty and rush upon me
My feet are firm, held by His grace
My feet are firm, held by His grace

I will glory in my Redeemer
Who carries me on eagle’s wings
He crowns my life with lovingkindness
His triumph song I’ll ever sing
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who waits for me at gates of gold
And when He calls me it will be paradise
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold
~Steve and Vikki Cook

fresh start

Hi. Happy New Year to you.

I’ve been taking a little break (have you noticed?) and thinking about time. It’s a precious commodity these days and I want to invest each minute wisely.

Read the Bible today,  or blog? read the Bible.

Sit down and read with a child, or blog? read, always.

Go to the gym, or blog? gym, probably.

Clear out the sink full of dishes or blog? definitely blog.

So… this year? What will it look like here? It will still be broken and bohemian, that’s for sure. Beyond that, I don’t know. What shall we talk about, look into, learn? leave me a little comment with your thoughts.

 

merry bohemian christmas

Liz and Brandon came for dinner last night. We had a delicious supper and pulled out all of the neighbor-teacher-office treats and spread them on the table for dessert.

Liz, who is always asking thoughtful questions (and never talking about herself) said, “So, have you had time to really stop and ponder Christmas yet?”

It struck me. Moved me. Because the answer this year is really no. I’ve been shopping and wrapping, packing and preparing, cooking and cleaning, but I haven’t taken the time to sit and ponder Christmas.

So, today? I will ponder Christmas. That’s what Mary did. She saw the goodness of God, delivering her despite her fears.  The good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Jesus Christ, the perfect Son of God, who in His great humility came as a helpless babe, so he could redeem us in our helplessness.

Good News. Great Joy.

Merry Christmas, friends. May you be touched by the peace of Christ and blessed beyond measure this Christmas.

More beautiful, thoughtful Christmas words here and here.

never forget to be thankful

Never forget to be thankful for all the gifts you receive,
For God is the source of your blessings,
And that you can truly believe. 

‘Twas God who made the earth and sky,
Creatures all who multiply,
Fish that swim and birds that fly way up high!

‘Tis God who finds us when we stray,
Makes the rules we should obey,
Gently leads us on our way, day by day!

-Natalie Sleeth 

thirty five

It feels very surreal to say that I am thirty five. That seems very old, and yet in my mind, I am still very young. Very young in the sense that although I have three children, have been married for 11 years, own a home, and do grown up-type life things, I still don’t have a clue what I’m doing.

Though I am clueless, I feel more at peace and more thankful, humbled and content than I’ve ever felt in my life. God has broken me in so many amazing and beautiful ways these past few years. Not that I am without sin and struggle, but I am more aware of His grace in my life, covering over my many weaknesses.

I have been moved by God.

I am an idol clinging, my-way-demanding, needy yet independent, overwhelmed-with-responsibility, broken bohemian girl. And yet, He moves me. 

God has not left me to myself. God doesn’t help those who help themselves. He helps us because we are completely incapable of helping ourselves. He looks on us with compassion because we helpless. He loves us tenderly, unconditionally. He moves us, because we can’t move ourselves to be more like Jesus, to receive His love and grace.

I’m so thankful that God has moved me. He will keep moving me for my next thirty five years or until I go to glory, shaping and fashioning me look more like Jesus.

Will you be moved by Him?

Oh, but You move me
Out of myself and into the fire
You move me
Burning with love and with hope and desire,
How You move me

Here is how love was to me
I could look and not see
Going through the emotions
Not knowing what they mean
And it scared me so much
That I just wouldn’t budge
I might have stayed there forever
If not for Your touch

But You move me
You give me courage I didn’t know I had,
You move me
I can’t go with You and stay where I am so,
You move me

 

thankful

just feeling thankful today for the Lord’s mercies, new to us every morning.

thankful for a husband who walks by faith and not by fear, and helps me to do the same. thankful for the Lord leading us in decisions we are too unwise to make ourselves.

thankful for precious friends who come alongside us in big and small ways- offering help to finish a painting project, or a car to borrow.

thankful for this incredible fall weather- good for my heart and soul.

thankful for a great haircut yesterday, and the way my hair smells all full of aveda goodness.

thankful for children who challenge me, drive me to my knees, and love me unconditionally. I’ve found myself loving them so much this week it brings me to tears. Like when Jack happily trotted off to piano lessons with his tote bag on his shoulder. Or how Molly stood in the kitchen in her mis-matched pajamas, drinking gatorade like it was the best thing she’d ever had. Or when Ginny hugs me and gently pats and rubs my back.

thankful for a neighbor who brought me a starbucks latte yesterday, just because.

thankful for meaningful time in the Word. We’re still doing our read the Bible in a year program, I’m teaching on the life of David to some ladies at church, and studying Deuteronomy in Community Bible Study. Probably more study/reading than I would normally choose at one time, but all so good, so rich and so full of blessing.

thankful for this pulled pork taco recipe: man, it was awesome and I can’t wait to make it again.

thankful for a God who loves me and pours out his blessings despite my many weaknesses and failures.

What are you thankful for today?