thirty five

It feels very surreal to say that I am thirty five. That seems very old, and yet in my mind, I am still very young. Very young in the sense that although I have three children, have been married for 11 years, own a home, and do grown up-type life things, I still don’t have a clue what I’m doing.

Though I am clueless, I feel more at peace and more thankful, humbled and content than I’ve ever felt in my life. God has broken me in so many amazing and beautiful ways these past few years. Not that I am without sin and struggle, but I am more aware of His grace in my life, covering over my many weaknesses.

I have been moved by God.

I am an idol clinging, my-way-demanding, needy yet independent, overwhelmed-with-responsibility, broken bohemian girl. And yet, He moves me. 

God has not left me to myself. God doesn’t help those who help themselves. He helps us because we are completely incapable of helping ourselves. He looks on us with compassion because we helpless. He loves us tenderly, unconditionally. He moves us, because we can’t move ourselves to be more like Jesus, to receive His love and grace.

I’m so thankful that God has moved me. He will keep moving me for my next thirty five years or until I go to glory, shaping and fashioning me look more like Jesus.

Will you be moved by Him?

Oh, but You move me
Out of myself and into the fire
You move me
Burning with love and with hope and desire,
How You move me

Here is how love was to me
I could look and not see
Going through the emotions
Not knowing what they mean
And it scared me so much
That I just wouldn’t budge
I might have stayed there forever
If not for Your touch

But You move me
You give me courage I didn’t know I had,
You move me
I can’t go with You and stay where I am so,
You move me